I don’t know if it’s because of my impending
doom birthday or if I’m just feeling nostalgic, but recently I’ve been pawing through my old writings that I made in school and listening to old music I listened to in my senior year.
Both the writing and the music really surprised me. The mood of it all seems so final. So battered warrior trudging home. After reading my old journals and looking at old momentos, I’m really struck by how much I thought, way back then, that finishing my degree at university was my end game. Like once I graduated, I was done and I could put up my heels and retire.
Now I just laugh at those thoughts. Mid-terms, Finals, research papers, grant applications, I thought those things were so important, so difficult. I let all that stuff stress me out back then. I had no clue how hard the real world could be. Like negotiating a mortgage, now that’s stress!
If I could talk to that younger me, senior in college and thinking she’s on top of the world, I wonder what I would say? I wonder if the younger me would listen?
Pesky birthdays, they always make me gloomy.